To All The Mom's Who Lost A Child / Agnes O'Hara (Mom to Kristen O'Hara )Read >>
To All The Mom's Who Lost A Child / Agnes O'Hara (Mom to Kristen O'Hara )
I am wearing a pair of shoes. They are ugly shoes. Uncomfortable shoes. I hate my shoes. Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair. Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step. Yet, I continue to wear them. I get funny looks wearing these shoes. They are looks of sympathy. I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs. They never talk about my shoes. To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable. To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them. But, once you put them on, you can never take them off. I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes. There are many pairs in this world. Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them. Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much. Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt. No woman deserves to wear these shoes. Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman. These shoes have given me the strength to face anything. They have made me who I am. I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
The Day Her Spirit Live / Cristine Thomas (Mommy)
The Day Her Spirit Lived. A description of my daughter’s last night on Earth
The night grew dark the snow muffled the world around me as I lay next to my beautiful 4 year old daughter. The smell of death permeated the air in the bedroom. Her breath was rough and forced, her skin was hot to the touch, her eyes where half closed, and her coloring was patchy with purple and pale pink. I knew this was her last night on this earth, so I stayed awake so not to miss the slightest movement or murmur. Her throat roared with mucus and saliva because she couldn’t swallow. I slowly suctioned her mouth and throat to make her more comfortable. There is a precision to suctioning and a comfort knowing it may not make her live but it could ease her dying. The continuous morphine dripping into her veins alleviated her pain. Lying beside her my thoughts drifted back upon the brief time I had with her, my mind recreated her image as a healthy child laughing and playing, running and singing, talking and crying. Watching with each passing day her subtle deterioration over the period of a year, first starting with uncontrolled seizures ending in inability to walk or talk, and with slight paralysis on her right side. Her brilliant smile endured even to the end, it may not have been symmetrical, but it was hers nonetheless. Her eyes where a deep brown reflecting any light that caught them. Once life swelled in her eyes, now death has focused its’ sights on her brow. She lay beside me a shell waiting to be released from the body that has become her prison. The blood running and pooling beneath her skin forced its temperature to her backside. Part of her was cool and lifeless. Her toes to her stomach have been dying and shut down for days, this accounted for the bowel and medicine smell around her. Her hands where still pliable but without feeling or movement. The hours passed, and slowly from the top of her head her skin began to turn color. Her palms were dark purple, her blood pooling beneath the skin where she rested them on the bed. Her right underarm and side began the transition of no circulation stopping the blood where it lay. Her head swelled at the site of her incision from her surgeries, it protruded past her ear on the left side. My thoughts and prayers where with her that she had no pain and no realization of what was happening to her body. I prayed to God for mercy and I believe he gave her mercy the last days of her life, especially this last night. As she rested comfortably and without movement, her forced breath echoed throughout the house (it sounded like a faint dog bark). I positioned myself on her left side taking in the smell of her breath. It wasn’t the sweet breath she used to have when she was healthy; it was a morbid smell that came from her lungs and mouth. It made me nauseous, but I held my position. I thought to myself that nothing on this earth could give me pause about taking in the aroma of my sweet child on the last night of her life. Throughout the night I slipped into a light sleep, awakening abruptly making sure I had not missed her passing I noticed her coloring had returned to normal. I was so confused. I stood up and asked aloud if she was supposed to live. Part of me wanted to shout out for a miraculous healing, the other part prayed to God for his will to be done. I began to second-guess the peace I was given by God during her path to death. I was so strong and certain she was going to die. I gave control over to God and knew no matter what that I would accept his will. But at this moment I questioned my God and myself. Selfishly I thought to myself, she has to die; I would resent her if she didn’t. This thought paralyzed me with fear that I had wished her death, I had been waiting for it, waiting for the release I hoped to feel when my life was my own again. Did I wish for her dying so long (it seemed), that I would resent her living if God blessed me with a miracle? How could I be so selfish! Why didn’t I call to God for a miracle, WHY?! My heart knew the answer, but my conscious mind, in order to accept this nightmare, this dream, this hell on earth of losing my child grasped to every self demoralizing figment I could conceive of protecting myself against the rage within me, rationalizing this moment in my life as my decision if my beautiful child lived or died. To hold for a moment control of the uncontrollable and to ease the grief that is yet to come. Just then the unbearable grief, the unmistakable knowledge that this is truly happening crashed through all the peace I held and made me crumble. MY BABY! Why take my baby? Why God? What did I do? My baby is dying! My cry was of moaning, my heart throbbed with pain like I have never felt, and I couldn’t take anymore! I looked at my mom asking her why isn’t she gone? When is she going to die? Why doesn’t God take her? At that moment, I remembered one of the nurses saying to me “This is her journey, she will complete it when she is ready; when you feel you can take no more, God will step in and bring her home!” During my breakdown which lasted about twenty minutes, I ended up in the living room away from her, I calmed myself and walked down the hall to our bedroom where she was laying flat on her back on the lower left side of the bed. I laid on her right side cupping her head in my hands. Within seconds she began to do the fish out of the water movement that happens to people when they die. Her chin forced it self up in the air and down again about ten to fifteen times. Her head went limp and fell to her right side. I was waiting for a final breath, but she didn’t have one. My father was standing at the foot of the bed and said “It’s over”, I looked to my sister on the other side of Brittany and said, ”I didn’t hear her last breath, I didn’t feel a release of her spirit!” My sister was crying and said that she felt it, she felt the angels take her home. I positioned myself over her body and placed my head on her torso and yelled the only thing I could, ”Thank God, my baby is out of pain, my baby is out pain!” Brittany died on November 28, 2001 at 9:45 a.m. (two years to the day my grandmother passed away) Her passing was very peaceful. I am comforted knowing that my Brittany has a full head of hair, can walk and run with the other children, can talk and smile the perfect smile, and as I write this, is playing in God’s Garden. Her precious body may have died, but for the first time I know her spirit is truly living. My faith is CEMENTED because I have no doubts that I will see my beautiful girl with Jesus. www.brittanysbooks.com Close
Loving you always Aidan / Lori Grems (Mommy)Read >>
Loving you always Aidan / Lori Grems (Mommy)
Aidan I miss you more then words can discribe. My arms ache for you and there is a piece of my heart that you took with you to heaven. I will love and cherish every moment that we had together for the rest of my life. I thank god for the 89 days we had together but will never understand why it could not have been longer. I love you always my beautiful son. Close
My darling son Sean was taken from us on August 10th 2007 at the young age of 9yrs, after battling Cancer for 12 months, for the second time. In those 12 months he endured so much pain but showed great spirit and determination, he never complained and took all of his treatment in his stride. That makes me so proud to call myself his mommy, but what i'm proud of most is that he always had a smile on his face, right up until the end. In the short time I had him in my life he taught me never to be afraid of whatever life throws at you and to make sure those around you know how much you love them. Our children are so precious and we should let them know every second of the day that we love them unconditionally with all our hearts. There isn't a minute that goes by when my heart doesn't ache to hold him again, I miss him so very much. The pain will never leave me but I know I will always have him close to me in my heart. Sean I love you my son and always will. Waking up everyday without him is the hardest thing in the world, but I have to do it to keep his memory alive. To all who have lost a child, young or old I send them my heartfelt love & sympathy.
Christy was my oldest daughter. I loved her from the minute she was born. She was 31 years and 7 months old when she was taken from us. She was such a lovely girl whose smile would brighten up my darkest moods. She was almost 9 months pregnant with her 1st child, my 2nd grandchild.
She loved life and doing all kinds of adventurous things. She lived her life to the fullest. From snowboarding, skiing, even went parchuting. SHe is greatly missed my lots of friends and family.
Some days i cant believe she is actually gone. We didnt get to say goodbye. She was burned completely in a car accident. They couldnt get her out. So we didnt even get to kiss her goodbye. But at least I know she didnt suffer. She died on impact. and I thank God for that..
Remembering my son / Rhonda Rhodes Craig Sehon's Mom (Mother)Read >>
Remembering my son / Rhonda Rhodes Craig Sehon's Mom (Mother)
Remembering you son! Soon, June 3, 2008 you would have been 34 years old. I miss you so much. Doug has grown up to be such a good man, and his baby boy, Hunter who will be 8 this July is named after you. We miss you terribly and we each cry our own tears in many different ways.
Petals in the wind and Pennies from Heaven / Barb Krafft (Mommy)
Yesterday I received 3 dozen roses. It has become daddy's tradition that on Mother's day I get a dozen from each child. When he arranged them, he took petals, that weren't as "fresh" looking as the others, and threw them away. I went and dug them out of the trash and placed them in a container. After church we went to Beluga Point, this is where we sprinkled some of Valerie's ashes. It was a very blustery day and the wind took the petals to the ocean. It was actually quite beautiful and I'm glad we did this. Valerie's first birthday is coming up and this might have to be one of the things we do that day. When we got back to the van, the girls found four pennies (one for each of us left on earth) around the van, we know they were "Pennies from Heaven." Thank you Valerie and baby Faith (our child that's life was over before even a heartbeat).
Some days it is amazing the signs we get that we know our children are safe in our Lords care. My children here on earth are aware of some of these signs and point them out when they notice them also. I thank the Lord quite often for helping us and guiding us through all of our sorrow. We all find comfort in knowing that we will one day see and meet our babies in heaven and that they will be arguing over who gets to hug us first. Thank you dear Father for giving them the PERFECT home! We will treasure them in our hearts forever and glorify You when eternity comes for us. Close
In Memory of my son John / Cathy Newcomb (son)Read >>
She made my life worth living / AnnaMarie Jensen (Granddaughter)Read >>
She made my life worth living / AnnaMarie Jensen (Granddaughter)
My Nana has never done anything bad. She always helps people and she has taught me one thing. That thing is that just because someone is gone and you can't see them doesn't mean there not with you. My Nana will always be with everyone she knew. I know she's with me in my heart she wouldn't want me to cry. She would want me to be strong. She would want me to be tough. But I can never do it. I might cry and whine but she will always be with me telling me to be strong. If she had never been in my life, life wouldn't be worth living. If I had never listen to her I wouldn't know anything. We used to play old maid until we laughed so hard it would hurt. She was never alone at night, me or one of my brothers or sisters would always sleep right there beside her. She made life worth living by bringing joy into sorrow.
She will always be remembered as a wonderful person. Close
A Mother's Love is Forever / Maria Baris (Youngest Daughter )Read >>
A Mother's Love is Forever / Maria Baris (Youngest Daughter ) A Mother's Love Is Forever
As children, we can't comprehend or fully realize The meaning of our mother's love how tender and wise, The patience and forgiveness that are part of every day, The unexpected "little things" she does in her own way. Years go by before we can look back on life and see Through older eyes and wiser hearts her love and loyalty, And yet it's these and other special things we hold dear, For memories of her steadfast love will keep her ever dear.
Missing you so much my daughter & angel, Victoria / Carinne V. Montgomery (mommy)Read >>
Missing you so much my daughter & angel, Victoria / Carinne V. Montgomery (mommy)
My daughter Victoria,
How I miss you everyday. Mother's day is so difficult as I remember back to Mother's day 2006, the day you were put in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit. The doctors told me they put you there just for a precaution, told me not to worry, said it just made them feel better knowing you would have more one on one care. You were sad, I know you were scared, you said you just wanted to go home. I wanted to unplug everything they had connected to you, pick you up and run far away. I wanted you to not be sick, just be able to be that regular kid you had longed to be for so long. Each day in that room, you grew sadder and sadder, your body weaker and weaker, the pain, stronger and stronger. I felt so helpless, there was nothing I could do for you, I would cry to myself while you slept, I would watch you and wonder why was this happening again after almost 5 years of being free of this cancer? I was terrified you were going to die, I did not have the nerve, nor could I get those words out of my mouth until that next Friday morning after the doctors put your breathing tube in. when I did get the words out of my mouth and the doctors answer to if you were going to die would be he did not know but it did not look good, you were bleeding everywhere. My world came caving in, my tears feel like rain. Your hospital room had a sadness in it, something was telling me in my soul, you were leaving soon. The rest of that day is so much of a blur, I remember, but I don't remember. Before I knew it, many people were there, they were there for you, holding your hand, kissing your face, telling you to stay with us. We all loved you, so many lives I realized you had touched in your 8 1/2 years on this earth. I had to stand back, I looked around, I knew it would not be long, I felt like I was in a nightmare, like I was surrounded by walls closing in on me, my heart hurt, it hurt for you. How I loved having you in my life, you were my first born daughter, you taught me more in those years you were here then I ever learned in my 24 years before I had you. What was I going to do without you? I had whispered in your ear if you needed to go be with Jesus, it was ok, but if you could stay, please stay, I knew your earthly body could take no more, but even while you were laying there, unable to speak to me, your eye made a tear that feel down your cheek, I watched it roll all the way down, I knew you could hear me, I knew you were saying goodbye, you were sad to tell me goodbye. Never will I forget those moments, never will I forget the moments of having you, I pray to God I don't forget any moments inbetween as I live day to day always thinking of you. Last year was my fisr mother's day without you, it is bittersweet as I still have sister and brothers here but missing you makes my heart sink rememebring Monther's day 2006 and that you went to Heaven 6 days later. It will not ever be the same. I love and miss you so much, only someone who has lost too can understand, the pain is still so raw. The Lord helps me when I need comfort, I know you help too with the beautiful signs I get. Please always be with me, I love you so much Sissy. Love, Mommy XOXOXO
My little tiny boy. He was taken from me over 10 yrs ago and yet he is my only and i yearn for him this mother's day. I am the mother of none it feels like. I miss you and want you here with me my baby.
My sweet baby boy- Brian Lewis / Sherry (Mommy)Read >>
My sweet baby boy- Brian Lewis / Sherry (Mommy)
Mommy misses your crooked little ear your sweet little smile and the way your shook your keys when playing. I miss the way you would take your baby hands to my face and gently connect with me without any words. I know now that you are whole and can breathe without the tube and be able to talk and laugh out loud. I know you are running and playing with the other baby angels and your big sister Israeia. I miss and love you now and forever. Close
My sweet angel Israeia Alexander-Becker / Sherry (Mommy)Read >>
My sweet angel Israeia Alexander-Becker / Sherry (Mommy)
Mommy wishes she could see your cute little smile or frown. Her your giggles and voice. I need to hear your "I love you Mommy'. Thinking of you today and everyday. Missing and loving you now and forever. Close
Prayers for Those I've Lost / D. (Mother)
You are the little girl I never had; my precious angel too good and kind for this world. And your other sibling there with you, a boy I think. I would have loved you both so very much and I'm so sorry I never got to hold you, whisper sweet things in your ear as you drifted off to sleep.
But, I know my mommy is there with you. I lost her on Mother's Day weekend 7 years ago, the same year I conceived you Baby Girl. I often think she had to go be in Heaven to wait for you.
I hope God keeps watch over you, my angels. I hope you'll wait for me until I can meet you and hold you some day. Close
What we remember lives on Hunter Phoenix 5/1/06 / Chastity Rudisill (mother)
No one will ever know what it is like to loose a child until they are standing in those shoes. You always say Oh I am sorry but I never knew what that truely ment until May 1, 2006, the day my son died. To all those who have lost a child I am sorry but the truest statement ever is "What we remember lives on" so heres to remembering our children, smiling down on us from heaven. Happy Mothers Day. Close
Words can never adequately express the joy you brought to me and your brother during your time with us, Bic. Even when I met you at age 2, you were a sheer joy...especially watching you dance!! You gave us both the best training to raise your neice and nephews...
Today as I look back on the nearly 3 years since you left us, I can smile. It took a long time to be fully content with the thought that you had to go but I'm finally there...I see you everywhere and feel you everyday. I see you in Jake and I feel you as I play with Jenna like a calming presence. I know now how truly blessed I am to have been a part of your life...getting to witness your growth into an amazing young woman.
The tears I cry today when I think of you are sometimes of sadness due to selfishness of wanting you here with me, sometimes of anger as I want you to be a part of the kids lives, sometimes of pure joy of all the memories and sometimes of anticipation knowing that I'll see you again one day in heaven. Make no mistake that any tear shed is purely of love. We love you now just as we did when we could tell you face to face. I think of you and miss you every single day.
To My Brandon / Tamara Payton (mother)
To my wonderful, awesome Brandon. There are no words to describe my longing; to touch your face or see your smile or hear your voice. I loved you so very much all of your life and I will love you even more for the rest of mine. Thanks for all the Mother's Days. I wish I could have just one more. See ya soon I hope. Close
Forever Our Sweet Angel - Casey Ryan / Skip &. Michelle Wilson (Parents)Read >>
Forever Our Sweet Angel - Casey Ryan / Skip &. Michelle Wilson (Parents)
Even after 2 years, we struggle trying to understand why it had to be your time to go. Why couldn't you have made it through the accident like your 3 cousins did? We know that one day we will know when we see your beautiful face again.
Your first prom would have been this past Saturday night. Oh how hard it was for us to get through the night knowing you should have been there with all your friends.
We think of you constantly and miss you more each and every day. Keep your angel wings wrapped tightly around us all and keep us safe. We love you our sweet Casey Ryan Wilson.